I must be too annoying 4 u.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
