I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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