So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
