i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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