Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
