Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
