I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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