i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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