my vag is so smooth its legendary
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You have to summon your inner elephant
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
