i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
