my mouth tastes like poor choices
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
