He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
