I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
