Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
