I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it hurts more in the daytime
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
