Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
