At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
