life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
