gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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