she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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