I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
