its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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