grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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