My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
