Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
