Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
