I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
