im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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