You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
