I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
