Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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