But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
