Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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