the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
