this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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