I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
