Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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