The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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