Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
her vagine was all disorganized.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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