The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
