it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
