i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
