well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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