Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize