I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
