you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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