somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
false alarm. still invincible.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
