hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
