Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
