Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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