dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
