I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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