Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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