All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if only i could text you this smell
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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