He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
