Barsexuality is the new black.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
