still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
