i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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