can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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