I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
