Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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