Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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