We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
