I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
