were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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