Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize