apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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