Umm I'm too high to move.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
