You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
