it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
