Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
