Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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