Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
