theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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