woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
