1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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