Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So. Much. Porn.
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