Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
