You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
