I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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