you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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