You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
