oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
