His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
