Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
