You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
