Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
