btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize