so explain again why im purple
no
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
