Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize