Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
