saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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