I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
