mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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