Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
