There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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