Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
