I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
