jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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