Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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