She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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