I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My bed smells like the plague
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
