whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
