one two three fourrrrnication!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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