So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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