no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
