You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
