no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
