just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
