sarcasm needs its own font
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
