I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
